True but thats because hes a fetus.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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