We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As shirtless as possible
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
