you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
