Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
