Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
