Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
