he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
