he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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