Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
