Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
