He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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