You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
