Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
