i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
