I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
