on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
