Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
