There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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