I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
