Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
