and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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