Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
