smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
