found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
