So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Panties = found
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
