idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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