lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
