I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
