nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
