Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
