Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
