singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
NoShamevember. You game?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
