you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
