This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
