I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
