I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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