i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
