I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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