just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
