if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
