i wish my penis had a tongue
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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