i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
