My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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