U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
