im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
