i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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