just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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