well most of my day revolves around power hour
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
