my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
...so i touched it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
