I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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