he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
