It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
