you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
