just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A+ Viking dick
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