I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i came on her dog
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
