First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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