For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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