I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
