I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
