I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
