dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
