No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
