don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
