Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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