Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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