1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
