he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
These tits shall not be calmed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
